A mutter on butter

When you hold a buttercup under my chin it glows so yellow it appears radioactive. But only if the buttercup is branded with a great big Lurpak sign. Or is from the south of France - their butter is delicious too. Other butter just pale in comparison. Or not, I suppose, as it's the paler butters I like - not the brash, nasty, vivid-yellow assult on my tastebuds I get from Anchor butter, or any of the butters they serve in pubs with a ploughmans. Or any cheap butters sandwich shops use. Revolting. Their cows may eat 'green, green grass' but give the poor things the Lurpak cows' diet and I'm sure they'd be better off. Lurpak tastes creamy; it tastes delicate; it tastes high quality. It tastes like it was produced by pretty cows who have happy lives. I hope they do.

It's half-past twelve and I'm trying desperately to wait until 1 o'clock to eat my lunch. It's difficult. I've already had a big satsuma which didn't seem to do much to stave of the hunger pangs. But if I don't wait till 1 the afternoon seems so long and I just want to nibble my way through it. But what is really upsetting me is that I threw away some food this morning. I hate doing that. Sometime last week I needed to get a few things for the fridge so I stopped off at a Sainsbury's Local on my way home. Annoyed they didn't have Lurpak slightly salted butter, I realised that as we were out of spread I should probably buy a pot (surely not a pat as it's in a funny-shaped carton) of Lurpak Spreadable Light - thinking I should stick with the brand I know and love. It might have fewer calories, but sadly it has zero flavour, but usually it will do.

However, although I know other butters are inferior, I had been recommended Yeo Valley Organic butter - the ingredients looked fine, I'm happy with most Yeo Valley products; I like it that they're organic, so I thought I'd try it. But I had one bite of my marmite sandwich (made with Yeo Valley butter) this morning and I gagged. It took me straight back to when I was six and spread a nice thick layer of butter on my jacket potato in a pub garden, naively believing all butter tasted like Lurpak, only to find it didn't and my potato was ruined. Having a 'waste not want not' attitude to food, I persevered and ate another five bites of my marmite sandwich. But no, there was no way I could stomach it and I had to throw it away.

On a plus note - to fill the gap in my stomach and ease my disappointment I went down to the office canteen and bought two toasted crumpets with chocolate spread. Oh, wow. Velvety smooth, cloyingly sweet - delicious. And all for 39p. I'm still hungry now though. Only twenty minutes to go...